Friday, July 17, 2009
Bad News and Good News
The bad news: ARRRGH--the blogger's nightmare. My computer stopped working a few days ago and I am anxiously trying to get it repaired. Joe let me borrow his for this post. Pray for me, okay? I have all my precious pictures in my computer.
The good news: I had a dream about Joey before I woke up this morning. I have been hoping I would have one so I am feeling very blessed today. I like to log my dreams because they have been very comforting and reassuring and I don't want to forget that feeling of having been with Joey. It's almost like a visit from Heaven.
In the dream we were staying in a hotel. In my previous dream about Joey, we were also in a hotel. (Perhaps this is because we had so many happy trips together as a family. The last week I spent with him, we were in a hotel in Oahu for his sister's college graduation.) In this dream though, Joey was across the lobby from us in another wing of the hotel. There was a space between us, a gap that I couldn't close, though I was comforted knowing he was there in the same hotel.
I kept trying to get a hold of him but he was difficult to reach. He was very busy, unusually preoccupied, and I felt sad and a little anxious because I wanted/needed to talk with him and just couldn't connect. That's not hard to interpret. The feeling that I had in the dream is just a mirror of what I feel every day...so full of longing and wishing that I could speak to him and feeling so terribly thwarted.
As the dream progressed I learned he was busy because he had just made a surfing movie that was a great commercial success. (I'm sure this is related to one of our memorial pictures of him, surfing in Central America. My girls and I had just been talking about how healthy he was that year when he took the van trip with Rachel, surfing most of the second half. The commercial success? That was my son--always very successful in business enterprises. ) He was busy doing press conferences and news releases and was on the move. He seemed really happy and focussed, though a little overworked. I finally reached him by phone. He filled me in on what was going on, and he was optimistic, loving, reassuring, and energetic--just like he was when he was here. He even told me how much he had gotten paid, which was an impressive sum, and I remember feeling reassured that he had what he needed and was going to be okay, even though we couldn't be with him.
My final impression from the dream was that he would be very busy for a while and that I needed to be patient because it would be a while before I could see him. I woke up feeling my old mother hen self--a feeling that I have lost since his departure. I had the sense that even though I would have to be patient for now, I felt satisfied that I had at least connected with him, very similar to how I felt when we would speak on the phone when he was in college or away travelling. I felt really proud of him, as I always felt about him in life, and grateful that he was safe and flourishing.
I am so thankful for dreams with Joey. They fill up my little empty cup and help me go a little farther on my road.