Living with the Death of a Child

When your child dies, so does a part of you. Their death throws you into a state of emotional chaos and existential confusion, and it takes a lot of time, maybe the rest of your life, to sort yourself out again.

This book is another one that has helped me. Written in collaboration by 22 grieving parents, it tells their personal stories in an unvarnished way. The good thing is that it relieves the sense of "crazy" you carry inside, because it talks about things you thought only you felt. And some of the contributors feel worse than you, like the man who accidentally drove his tractor over his child, or the devastated parents dealing with their child's suicide. There is some twisted momentary relief in the fact that we don't have it the worst.

Here are some helpful topics the book covers--just the chapter titles tell a story:

How to answer the question, "How many children do you have?"

Marking Anniversaries

Seeing Your Children's Friends

Rethinking Faith

Considering Suicide

Preserving the Marriage

Your Surviving Children

Encountering the Void

Fighting Despair

Continuing the Connection

Perhaps the best thing is the sub-title: Living with the Death of a Child. Apparently, they've learned to LIVE with it. It doesn't feel like you really live after your child dies, you go through the motions. So I'm a skeptic about learning to live again...but I'm giving it time. We shall see.

Psalm 103:12 Like as a father pitieth his children, so the Lord pitieth them that fear him. For he knoweth our frame; he remembereth that we are dust.