Patriotic Family Dinner

We're a proud military family. My daughters and their husbands have made tremendous sacrifices since 9/11. My grandchildren have had to live without benefit of a father at home for many months at a time, for many years. Before my girls married these two wonderful men, none of us had a clue what they were getting themselves into. But there are no regrets. They love their country and are proud to serve. But yesterday it felt a little more worth the sacrifice.


Papa sat on the lawn at sunset and talked with the grandchildren. They were so young when 9/11 happened. Aidan wasn't even born till two months after. But they knew yesterday was significant, and that their family has played an important role in this chapter of  American history. Our game last night was actually questions about America. Questions such as, "Do you know all the words to the Star-spangled Banner? (not too well) And who wrote it?" (yes!) and "Who were the top three best presidents?" (Washington, Lincoln, and Bush). Stuff like that.


Our dinner table last night. Yeah, we're truly grateful for the red, white and blue. We are a blessed country.


Fruit salad in a watermelon bowl.


Chicken pot pie casserole with a lattice crust, per Aidan's request.

It was a good evening to pause and reflect on the journey they have all been on.

On Saturday night, we went to dinner to celebrate Sean and JoAnne's 17th wedding anniversary.

On the way home in the car, I asked Sean, "Do you think we will ever capture Bin Laden?"
Only God knew what would transpire 24 hours later.

A military marriage...17 years...an amazing achievement. Too many separations, too many readjustments for deployments and re-entries, too many bedtimes without a father to tuck you in, too many birthdays, Christmases and anniversaries alone. That's just part of why they deserve so much gratitude from us all.


We are really proud of our children. They are true American Heroes.

 Isaiah 6:8

 Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?”

   And I said, “Here am I. Send me!”

Dinner Conversation

When I host our weekly Family Dinner, I want it to be more than simply eating food. I want it to be a meaningful event for our whole family. Memorable. Substantial. Soul nourishing. I invest those hours cooking and cleaning up so that I can create togetherness and teachable moments for my whole family. I see this wonderful table time as an opportunity to talk about real things with our children and grandchildren and to really connect with their hearts and minds. Since we have some very funny people sitting around our table, the challenge is to integrate the serious stuff long enough to get them all thinking a little more deeply.

In the past year, there has been a bit of trial and error trying to find a formula that works with the wide range of ages, temperaments and attention levels that surround our table. This is where I am settled for now.

First of all, the cornerstone of the evening comes from scripture. One of the grandchildren or I will read a Bible verse from this little book, and start the discussion by asking what the verse means. We go around the table and listen to the various opinions on the meaning and applications of the verse. The discussion is generally short but engaging.

Next, following the same procedure, one of us asks a question from this book. This one is usually a personal response to the question, a reflection of the speaker's personality or uniqueness.

This requires listening, and honoring the varied responses. Not an easy task with a bunch of talkative and opinionated teens and pre-teens, but they are getting better and better at honestly expressing themselves and respecting one another's uniqueness.

Finally, after dinner is over, we play an interactive game. This one was given to us by Rachel for Christmas. The grandchildren LOVE this game. It provides many opportunities for hilarious answers and endless potty talk. Sometimes we have to outlaw all answers with the word "poop" in them, just to keep it from deteriorating into total silliness. Other times we play "Spoons", "Assassin", or put together a tray of random objects that are passed around the table and from which a group story is spun with each person keying off of their chosen object. That one is usually very funny too. We try to be spontaneous and creative with the games. As homework loads increase, the game time decreases. Still, even a half hour of games is fun for all of us.

When the weather improves and the sun goes down later, we will likely play softball or tag or something physical outside. I find that it is essential to have something totally fun and carefree to counterbalance the serious talk. As they say, a spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down.

My hope is that years of these meals, with interesting conversations and fun times will, in time, accumulate into something beautiful and sacred:

the creation of wise, loving, compassionate, fun-loving, faith-filled young adults who know who they are, where they have come from and where they are going... children that grow up to be adults who bring love and goodness into the world.

Anyway, that's my plan.

Psalm 71:17

Since my youth, O God, you have taught me, and to this day I declare your marvelous deeds.

Family Dinner: Mac Nut Fish

Drew and Sean are relaxing before dinner.

Though it's nice to end the work day and gather together, it's still a big challenge getting everyone to our house at 6 pm. I put out appetizers to encourage early arrivals. If you are late, there is nothing but crumbs left.

Papa is a multi-tasker. He drinks a beer, pets the dog, AND chats with his girls, all at the same time. He's quite a man.

Jaime always makes us laugh. She's a comedienne. JoAnne loves dogs, and that includes Cody, our new/old very well-behaved German Shepherd.

Dinner is sitting on the counter, chilling while we wait for the grandchildren to put down the ipad and join us. Harummph! I hate it when hot food gets cold because people are preoccupied. It's a real cook crazy-maker! But enough of that.

I'll tell you what you are seeing on that counter in the shots below.

This is dessert. Turtle brownies which will be the foundation for brownie sundaes after dinner.

An army load of white and wild rice.

Irresistible baby asparagus, baked in the oven. I know, I make this a lot. We all love it.

And a healthy and colorful mixed salad. This one has avocado chunks and parmesan shavings on top...with rich blue cheese dressing. I usually try to make two vegetable dishes. Lots of nutrients.

I am stepping back in time here to show you how I made the fish. It's my favorite way to eat fish, and I got the recipe from my dear friend, Pastor Craig, who lives on Maui. It requires eggs, panko flakes for breading the fish, and macadamia nuts for the "encrusted" part.

I spread the panko flakes in one pan, and the mac nuts (after chopping them into small bits) into another. The egg batter is out of the picture, but it's the first thing into which you dip each piece of fish.

I used flounder, but it was too thin and delicate. This recipe does better with more substantial fish, such as Ahi (tuna). Just so you know. The crust was still delicious but the delicate fish cooks more quickly than the crunchy crust. After dipping the fish in the egg mixture, dip it in the panko flakes, then press the mac nuts onto both sides of the fish. Bake it in a pan with a light layer of olive oil, in a 400 degree oven for about 10 minutes.

This is how it comes out. Golden and crunchy. Couldn't be easier! I made a mango beurre blanc sauce to drizzle over it. It was deliciously delectible and completes the recipe. That's a simple sauce of butter, cream and mango juice, cooked till slightly thickened.

So that's it. Family Dinner this week. At least the food part of it!

I will write about our "Evening Program" next, for those of you who have been wondering.

Inquiring minds want to know...

Birthday Girl Love

My birthday is coming and on Saturday, Sean and JoAnne surprised me with a visit to a local winery for our own little wine-tasting party. JoAnne had a couple of Groupons that entitled us to two--yes, two--bottles of free wine! We made the leisurely drive to the winery, through the back country, over the border to North Carolina. It was serene and relaxing, with an absence of cars and people, and an abundance of birds and golden wintery tidal lands, the essence of the beautiful tidewater region.

This is me with my hubby at the Moonrise Bay Winery. Here's to you!

We liked the Chambourcin 2004 the best. (Oh, don't I sound all wine connoisseur and all. We bought 6 bottles and have big plans for them.)

It was so cozy in the winery, with the wooded walls and beams and the stone fireplace, and the fire crackling and leather couches to sit on. It was cold outside, and the vines were empty, but so comfortably warm and lodge-ish inside.

JoAnne packed us a picnic, which the proprietors minded not a bit. There IS a picnic buried under all that packaging. Brie, and goat cheese, and maytag blue cheese, and a rich cheddar, and crusty bread, and olives and nuts and, most importantly when drinking wine, 3 kinds of chocolate! I could seriously eat only this every day of my life without complaint.

The really lovely thing about this, is that it's JoAnne's birthday this week, too. We are two days apart, and she did this for me. I'm telling you, this girl is all HEART. We spent a wonderful two hours, just relaxing together, truly IN THE MOMENT. I LOVE this girl! And I love, love, love being with Sean and JoAnne together. They are very interesting and thoughtful, and good listeners, and Sean is hilariously funny. I didn't want it to end and savored every moment of our time together. That's something I try to do now, more and more.

This moment is all we have in this world.

These people are precious.

Love is the true meaning of life.

The Two Birthday Girls

On Sunday night, we gathered for Family Dinner (hence my apron) and a sweet family birthday party. It cheered and comforted my heart to no end. My faithful husband, and both my beautiful daughters and my handsome sons-in-law and my adorable grandchildren said such beautiful words to me,

I've been floating... on a pink cloud... of love... ever since.

The best birthday ever.

PS: The pictures turned out so badly, this is all I have to show. I'm not happy with my camera these days as it's making white spots in the middle of my pictures, so you all know what I want for my birthday and you can send it here! If that's not in your budget, I am also taking camera recommendations. If you love your camera, please tell me why and what kind it is so I can get one, too.

Clare's 1/11/11 Birthday

The Bestie and the Birthday Girl

These are two of my three adorable granddaughters. They are so close, it's hard to talk about one without talking about the other one. The picture was taken about six years ago when they were first graders. My goodness, how they have changed. Clare is taller than me now. Izzy deplores the curls (that we all adore) and straightens her hair now.

What hasn't changed is this: they are still best friends forever. We're talking total and complete BFFs. To infinity and beyond. They are cousins, they are in the same grade, and they can't live without each other (unless they are having an argument) (but the BFF part is: they always make up. quickly. )

Blue-eyed Clare turns 12 today. And it's her magic birthday--the one where all the date numbers line up. (At 1:11 today, I am going to text her beautiful mom.) I say the magic is in her gentle heart. She's a compassionate, caring, kind, helpful, thankful, curious and creative little girl. A delight. She makes us all smile. Oh, and those sparkly blue eyes. They are pretty magical too, especially in a family of mostly hazels, greens and browns. She got 'em from her grandpa Mike, and they match his to a tee. When she was a baby, her mama used to sing "Pretty Blue Eyes" to her.



Here they are again. This was two years ago. Solid BFFs. They are lucky they have each other. We all need a friend who is this squeezably close.

Last night at Family Dinner, we celebrated Clare's birthday. I used blue plates cuz I thought it was her favorite color, only to find out her favorite color is purple. We found out so many new things about Clare last night when we played the Who Knows Clare Game. Of course, Izzy won. She knew almost everything about Clare.


Clare got to choose her birthday dinner, and she asked for ravioli. We also grilled some shrimp, but the kids said they tasted like hotdogs. (hmmm. I guess I need a new recipe.)

Here's the ravioli. It's got a creamy tomato-basil sauce. Clare liked it-- once she removed the tomatoes.
Obviously, the big challenge with family cooking is making something that everyone, young and old, likes to eat. Not too gourmet, not too "kiddie-food". Something in between that is still yummy.

And sauteed zucchini.
Everyone likes zucchini, but I found out last night that it is not Clare's favorite vegetable. That would be corn. It's hard to make a meal out of ravioli and corn, I think. But she did get her requested ice cream sundaes for dessert, and that put a smile on her face.

They are sitting together as usual, waiting to open Clare's pile of presents. They giggle a lot, and speak their own improvised language, and roll their eyes at the same things. Those little girls are getting sooo grown up. Right before my eyes.

My number one thought? I am SO glad I am here with them --that I am not missing these all-important moments. I feel so sorry for grammies who don't live next to their grandchildren. I would have been one of those, and I guess, in a silver-lining kind of way, I have my beloved son Joey to thank for the fact that I am here-- for this birthday party and all the others.

Happy Birthday, Beautiful Clare, our little Bear. Blow out the candle on another year, and look forward to an exciting new one. We will watch you grow and be there beside you all the way.
You bring so much love and light to our lives. Your Nana and Papa love you more than words can say.

Family Dinner

One of the more difficult side effects of grief is a feeling of emotional paralysis; an inability to do what you might have done in a normal day before the loss. We spent our first year almost frozen, barely getting through the essentials, our hearts so heavy we couldn't move under the weight of the pain. Our first Christmas seemed like an extension of the funeral with the majority of gifts being framed pictures of Joey passed between family members and friends. We were unable to plan or do much more than just make pictures to hold on to him.

Our second Christmas, just a little over a year ago, left me again at a loss. I had lost my bearings on how to do Christmas. My helpful sister-in-law, Vivian, suggested I host a family dinner and coached me through it step by step. It was wise counsel, as I desperately needed to take some steps to strengthen my connection with life. I was totally surprised to find so much fulfillment in planning and cooking and gathering my family around our table for Christmas dinner.

That night started something. As the holidays passed and moved into January, I hosted a second dinner and this time we also played a table game and had a sharing question. We all loved it, and even the children enjoyed the sense of belonging that comes from being crowded around the table together. I told my family that I wanted to start preparing dinner once a week for all of us if they were willing to show up. It was good for me to give myself a weekly project that forced me to move off the couch and re-engage. I had to plan a menu, shop for it, cook it, set the table, serve it, plan a discussion question and a game, then clean it up...week after week. I loved it. They loved it. A family tradition was born.

Last year, I hosted the official Family Dinner approximately 43 times. Like the U.S. Postal service, neither rain, no snow, nor sleet, nor dark of night kept me from my appointed task. If I was in town, I was cooking. I haven't wearied of cooking for the people I love the most, and it's been comforting for me to have this predictable time with them every week. I sense it's been bonding for all of us. We celebrated whoever's birthday was coming up and had some great table talks. We played and prayed together once a week.

We often raised a toast to Joey and talked about heaven.

Today we packed up the remnants of our third Christmas without him. It doesn't get any easier to have him gone. I shed a great many tears this Christmas and I felt his absence profoundly. In my heart, I longed for just one more touch or conversation. Though his absence is not getting any easier, I find we are getting used to living with the wait for heaven and reunion. We are different people...we are a different family... and we will never be the same. That is the harshness of death. Like a fire in the house, we've all been singed by it and the smell of smoke hangs everywhere around us. But we are surviving our loss, and doing it together, and family dinners have helped.

Monday I prepared my first Family Dinner for 2011. This year I've decided I want to blog about it. Perhaps it will inspire others and I do think most families, bereaved or not would benefit. There are a lot of angles to the whole thing that I would like to share. I would like to document the unfolding story of our family's attempt to process grief... at the table.

So here is Family Dinner #1, 2011.

Note: We were missing a sick granddaughter who stayed home, her mama who stayed home with her, and a sister who went to a birthday party at a restaurant. We also had Sean's visiting parents with us for dinner.

Two of my darlings playing with the IPad while waiting for dinner to be ready.

Dessert is ready. Cherry Cobbler.

A selection of beer for the men.

Bruschetta appetizers with a pitcher of fruity sangria for the ladies.

Healthy garden salad with heirloom tomatoes, red pepper, broccoli, avocado, shaved parmesan and ranch dressing.

Cheesy potato casserole. Way too creamy delicious.

More green. Beans. Not fancy but healthy.

Apple-pepper sauce for the pork chops that are outside being grilled by Joe.

Table set. No paper. I use real plates and cloth napkins. (Teaching the grandchildren table manners is a subtle but important side purpose.)

Ten of us tonight. Discussion question chosen by Drew:

"If you were a leading character in a movie, which movie and character would it be?"

Let's see--Star Wars, Braveheart, Places in the Heart, Bratz Movie, La Traviata, Karate Kid... and a few others that escape me now. Which characters? The leads, of course.

Plus three rounds of Catch Phrase.

The men won.

And a new year begins...Family Dinner 2011.

Luke 24:30

When he was at table with them,

he took the bread and blessed and broke it and gave it to them.