The picture is forever changed.
"It is hard to have patience with people who say 'There is no death' or 'Death doesn't matter.' There is death. And whatever is matters. And whatever happens has consequences, and it and they are irrevocable and irreversible. You might as well say that birth doesn't matter."- C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed
One of the most difficult things about bereavement is that others minimize it. They imply that it's been six months or a year, or whatever block of time, and that we should be "over" it. I've met other bereaved parents, and find that this is a source of pain for them as well. I noticed that John Travolta begged out of doing publicity for his newest movie, simply saying they were still reconciling their son's death, yet his wife has gone back to work. Does that mean she has moved on but he hasn't? No, everyone copes differently. Some go back to work, some like us, stay home; some change everything, some change nothing.
The point is, no matter what the outer appearance, no bereaved parent has moved on. They are doing whatever is required, or whatever helps them to cope, but they are still very, very much in grief over their child. It is the most earth-shattering experience of life, and in some ways we will never move on. That's our lot, for purposes we won't understand till eternity. It just helps if others will understand that-- instead of pressuring us to be... what? our old selves? Our old selves died with our children. We are painstakingly building a new self.
But now he is dead. Why should I fast? Can I bring him back again? I shall go to him, but he will not return to me.”
2 Samuel 12:21-23
