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It's Joey's 6th birthday in Heaven. It pains me to write the words. It's also a rainy gray day at the beach, which somehow seems entirely appropriate.
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As do the broken bits of shell in the sand and the stranded jelly fish.
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But in spite of the gray, the sun breaks through, and strangely, that too, is a reflection of my heart today.
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Somehow I have found light in the midst of my sorrow.
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Not at first. It took years to find it. It was often a cold, lonely, aching journey.
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But it was there -- undeniable incomprehensible hope in the midst of something terrible.
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Little bits and pieces of hope all around me. Almost negligible, but together they amount to enough for each day.
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I have had signs. Here and there. Reminders. God holds my hand.
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I know I will see my son again. I can feel him.
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And it keeps the darkest darkness away from my heart.
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And makes me want to leave a mark of hope on those around me.
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Not despair, emptiness, discouragement.
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But hope that there is help in the storms of life.
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That God's care is bigger than my loss.
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That there is a future where all my tears will be gone.
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If I can just hold on through the storm.
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There is enough of what I need.
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His eye is on the sparrow...maybe it's on me too.
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I love you beautiful son.
I miss you so.
Thank you for taking me on a journey deeper and harder than I ever wanted.
Thank you, Lord, for leading me to higher ground.
Matthew 10:29
When birds are sold, two small birds cost only a penny. But not even one of those little birds can die without your Father knowing it.