Friday, May 13, 2011

That Time Again

We are approaching the third anniversary of Joey's death. Dread fills my soul and we have all gone back into deep mourning. It is entirely involuntary and defies logic and theology. It simply hurts that he's not here, as if the nerve endings that were numb have all been re-awakened by the thrust of a sharp knife.  And though I am convinced Heaven must be the best of all places, I still wish he were here with us. Nothing will ever change that sentiment. The void he left still gapes, empty, lonely and sorrowful. I have hope for the life to come, but this life, I don't think of it in those terms anymore. My dreams for the "good life" died with Joey. Now I leave it to God. My hope is in God. I don't believe we will be disappointed in the end. For now, it's enough to get through our days. To love and be endure the vicissitudes of life... to keep my faith through the keep my eyes on Heaven. Achievement enough.

To everything there is a season,
and a time to every purpose under heaven,
A time to be born and a time to die,
a time to laugh and a time to weep.
A time to dance, a time to mourn.
Ecclesiastes 3


Robin said...

Surrounding you in love, dear friend.

karen gerstenberger said...

You are in my heart, and will be in the days to come. xoxoxo

Jenny said...

hugs and hugs and love to you. I will be thinking of you and your family as you make it through these next days.

Anonymous said...

My heart breaks for you. I will be praying for strength from family and friends to help you get past the one more time! Your description of loss is so right on. We understand and know but........xoxo Sharon

Marina said...

Hugs and love to your family Karen.
Love you!

Anna/Flowergardengirl said...

It's so awful. When I read your words, I see that grief is the hardest thing on earth to bear. I hope the coming days are quiet and that memories of Joey are sweet and strong. Big hugs Karen...holding your heart in mine.

Daisy said...

((((((Karen and family))))))))


Anonymous said...

Yet... such beautiful words!