You need love and comfort and a plan to get through these days, but it's still never enough. You brace before they come, and you're exhausted after they pass, and the day itself requires something else--something that you don't feel you have inside of you. Courage, I guess. It's like walking into a hurricane and being pretty certain you will be swept away by the deafening swirling force. But you walk into it anyway-because there is no other way through.
A few days ago, I found out that my college roommate was sexually abused by her father when she was growing up. She had lots of headaches that year we were together at college. Headaches that would require the lights to be out, the window shades lowered, and silence in the room. It irritated me at the time. Now I get it, and ache for her. She had the perfect family, the perfect college professor father, a Christian leader, a missionary. I envied her for that. Now it makes me angry...and sad. How cruel is life.
I am overwhelmed by the sadness of life right now. Trying to find sunshine, but seeing shadows everywhere.
My roommate found a way through her storm. She's started a ministry to comfort others who've been through trauma. I read her beautiful poetry and see she connected deeply with her perfect, compassionate Heavenly Father to comfort her sorrow. Ahhh. Good. Sunshine.
I too experience bits and pieces of sunshine, often just enough for the day at hand. A verse here, a promise there, a bit of good news, hope in a dark world.
And I just need enough for each day.
I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the LORD In the land of the living.
It is of the LORD's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness