Saturday, June 26, 2010

Angie's Day

Angie's Sunflowers
Yesterday my friend Sharon honored the 2nd anniversary of her daughter's death. I worried for her and prayed for her all day. These anniversaries are not happy days like wedding anniversaries. These are terrible days that have you bent over in pain, trying to figure out how you will get through the next 24 hours.

You need love and comfort and a plan to get through these days, but it's still never enough. You brace before they come, and you're exhausted after they pass, and the day itself requires something else--something that you don't feel you have inside of you. Courage, I guess. It's like walking into a hurricane and being pretty certain you will be swept away by the deafening swirling force. But you walk into it anyway-because there is no other way through.

A few days ago, I found out that my college roommate was sexually abused by her father when she was growing up. She had lots of headaches that year we were together at college. Headaches that would require the lights to be out, the window shades lowered, and silence in the room. It irritated me at the time. Now I get it, and ache for her. She had the perfect family, the perfect college professor father, a Christian leader, a missionary. I envied her for that. Now it makes me angry...and sad. How cruel is life.

I am overwhelmed by the sadness of life right now. Trying to find sunshine, but seeing shadows everywhere.

My roommate found a way through her storm. She's started a ministry to comfort others who've been through trauma. I read her beautiful poetry and see she connected deeply with her perfect, compassionate Heavenly Father to comfort her sorrow. Ahhh. Good. Sunshine.

I too experience bits and pieces of sunshine, often just enough for the day at hand. A verse here, a promise there, a bit of good news, hope in a dark world.

And I just need enough for each day.

Psalm 27:13
I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the LORD In the land of the living.

Lamentations 3:22-23
It is of the LORD's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

Thank you for the beautiful things you are able to write and share. I wrote all day yesterday with the intend to share with those I love today. Now it seems personal. I carried her quilt around, held her vase with her ashes, and held it together somewhat only by the grace of God. Much love to you.
Sharon

Anonymous said...

You're so right Karen, life is so very cruel and has struck people you think not affected, until you find out their story. I think few walk away from this life without tragedy or sorrow of some kind. You always able to have empathy but I think more so now.

Isaiah 61:3
To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that he might be glorified.

God has a plan in this cruel world!
Love you,
Gary

Anonymous said...

Don't know you Sharon but so very sorry for your loss and heartache!
Gary

Marina said...

Karen:
Even though you are hurting you still find the strength to encourage others. And I am truly grateful for that.
I love you my friend and I'm praying for you.
Marina

Anna Flowergardengirl™ said...

Fear is so gripping and grinds things to a halt. Fear is like trying to go somewhere in mud. The mud just won't let you move fast or forward. Life is so muddy sometimes.

I had a muddy childhood and must make a mental effort to live each day without feeling anxious. It just is who you are--- affected by the situation.

Anxiety is difficult to live with and finding purpose takes effort and action. Live-- is an action verb and I truly belive it's a 24/7 job mentally and physically.

let's just go home and be with our Father....I just get tired sometimes too Karen. It just stinks at times.

Big hugs!

Gannet Girl said...

{{{{{to your friend Sharon}}}}}

Robin said...

That was me, of course, posting as GG. Coming up on 2 years also and wondering how that could possibly be. If only we could go backward and try again.

That baby shower today just about finished me off.

Daisy said...

Beautiful scripture, Karen. Needed to hear them. Thank you.

It seems that the thing about this middle age business is that we come to really understand that not all anniversaries are happy ones. If I thought those kinds of thoughts when I was younger, I don't remember thinking them for very long. Now, they stick.

Mich

Daisy said...

Beautiful scripture, Karen. Needed to hear them. Thank you.

The thing I've noticed about this middle age business is that I've come to really understand that not all anniversaries are happy ones. If I thought those kinds of thoughts when I was younger, I don't remember thinking them for very long. Now, they stick.

Mich

karen gerstenberger said...

One moment at a time, my dear, sweet, tender-hearted friend. You can do it - we can do it - one moment at a time. And on the days when you feel you can't, let us carry hope for you. xoxoxo