Thursday, April 16, 2009
A New Set of Eyes
Monsters and Aliens at the local 3-D showing of "Monsters and Aliens"
New perspective. It's the only thing that's really helping us deal with our grief over losing Joey so early and suddenly. Our underlying optimism about our future and the goodness of life came apart at the seams. This place doesn't hold the promise it once held for us. Now we notice everyone else's suffering too. Anyone's death or grief is also ours. Every news story of death or loss re-triggers our own ache. Sick friends, other grieving couples, we can only embrace them. We often feel so loaded down with our own grief that we have no more to give than a knowing nod and a hug. I feel like we should be able to help more, but for some reason we are weak, exhausted by grief.
The new perspective that's helping us runs like this: "this world is not my home, this life is temporary, don't expect happiness here, our heart's desires are in Heaven, Jesus will make everything better there. Just hold on." Some of you had already reached those conclusions. It took this pain to get us there and I finally feel I truly understand what God's word was teaching all along. This world won't deliver.
Knowing that, I hope there's another step in the process. I hope it's not just a process of detachment, endurance and patience. I hope we get to the point where we embrace purpose again, where we have strength to give, and enthusiasm despite the risks. For the sake of our children and grandchildren. So that we aren't just going through the motions, without the e-motions.
We aren't there yet, and we have no idea how to feel that way. Right now, the promises of God comfort me deeply for the life beyond, but I'm still struggling with the every day. I'm scanning for role models--people who have been devastated by disappointment, and still find purpose for today. Pastor Kit is that person for us right now. And Pastor Greg Laurie who lost his son a month after us, and Steven Curtis Chapman who lost his daughter the day before we lost Joey. I read their blogs to find clues on how they do it, and I think my own blog is an attempt to find purpose again. They are finding a new path and they give me hope that we may yet grow a set of eyes that can see life beyond the pain.
Col 3:2 Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth. For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is our life is revealed, then you also will be revealed with Him in glory.