Thursday, April 16, 2009

A New Set of Eyes

Monsters and Aliens at the local 3-D showing of "Monsters and Aliens"
New perspective. It's the only thing that's really helping us deal with our grief over losing Joey so early and suddenly. Our underlying optimism about our future and the goodness of life came apart at the seams. This place doesn't hold the promise it once held for us. Now we notice everyone else's suffering too. Anyone's death or grief is also ours. Every news story of death or loss re-triggers our own ache. Sick friends, other grieving couples, we can only embrace them. We often feel so loaded down with our own grief that we have no more to give than a knowing nod and a hug. I feel like we should be able to help more, but for some reason we are weak, exhausted by grief.
The new perspective that's helping us runs like this: "this world is not my home, this life is temporary, don't expect happiness here, our heart's desires are in Heaven, Jesus will make everything better there. Just hold on." Some of you had already reached those conclusions. It took this pain to get us there and I finally feel I truly understand what God's word was teaching all along. This world won't deliver.
Knowing that, I hope there's another step in the process. I hope it's not just a process of detachment, endurance and patience. I hope we get to the point where we embrace purpose again, where we have strength to give, and enthusiasm despite the risks. For the sake of our children and grandchildren. So that we aren't just going through the motions, without the e-motions.
We aren't there yet, and we have no idea how to feel that way. Right now, the promises of God comfort me deeply for the life beyond, but I'm still struggling with the every day. I'm scanning for role models--people who have been devastated by disappointment, and still find purpose for today. Pastor Kit is that person for us right now. And Pastor Greg Laurie who lost his son a month after us, and Steven Curtis Chapman who lost his daughter the day before we lost Joey. I read their blogs to find clues on how they do it, and I think my own blog is an attempt to find purpose again. They are finding a new path and they give me hope that we may yet grow a set of eyes that can see life beyond the pain.
Col 3:2 Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth. For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is our life is revealed, then you also will be revealed with Him in glory.


Liza's Eyeview said...

Cool photo of such cool kids with their cool Papa!

Bill Kepler said...

Your blog is therapy for you, and it's therapy for us. Thanks.

Mele said...

Bless your heart Karen for being so real. I relate very well to the new level of suffering we acquire towards others, which can only happen after after having such a deep loss ourselves. We feel there pain intensely. There pain becomes our pain. We carry each others burdens.

I'm carrying yours today.



michael, ciara and mikaela said...

Hi Karen,
I love to read your blog, it always reminds me to "keep my mind on things above". Thank you for inspiring me. This is really random, and I wasn't sure if I should share it or not, but Joey was in my dream last night. Anyway, it has kept you two on my mind all day, so I've been praying for you. We miss you and love you!

josh said...

I want to echo what Bill said...your blog is therapy. It may take a long time to grieve Joey (it took me a decade to mourn my injury), but as you do you'll gain your voices back -- and God's voice will continue to speak through you all the while. He knows how to write his grace into the darkest of stories.