Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Mary Had a Baby Boy


I had a baby boy, too.

He wasn't the Savior, but he saved me in many ways.

He helped me be better, smarter, kinder, bigger.

He made me laugh at myself, and feel and love more.

He was tall and gracious; he hugged people and cared.

He had my hair and my eyes and my curiosity, but he was better than me.

He sang his own unique song. His own voice.

I miss that sound now...long for it. Miss his face at Christmas.

Miss him always everywhere.

Time is measured differently now--before death---after death.

He is alive but I can't see him. Can't hold him. I dream him.

Like Mary, delighted at his birth and crushed at his death.

My beautiful boy.

Awaiting a new birth.

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hi Karen. A friend of mine Jill gave me your blog information and I am just visiting for the first time. We are members of a club of which we want no more members. I also loss a son March 9th 2009,at the age of 18 and a half.He took his own life. We have struggled with the whys, and experienced anger, guilt and intense loss of our only son and Jill's only brother. I was wondering if we could share our grief journeys.
Grief is very private, lonely and very deep. I know you would understand a mothers loss of a son.
Joy at ljteght@hotmail.com

caitsmom said...

A gorgeous post. I often say that my daughter saved my heart. Perhaps our children haven't saved the world, but their brief presence seems to have saved our worlds. ((((hugs)))

Gannet Girl said...
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Gannet Girl said...
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Gannet Girl said...

Anonymous, please come by my blogs Desert Year (linked on Karen's blog) and Search the Sea. We lost one of our beloved 24yo sons (twins) to suicide on September 2, 2008. My heart goes out to you and my arms fold around you as you face this first arduous Christmas without your darling boy.

Gannet Girl said...

Karen, may Christmas overwhelm you with feelings of peace and the assurance of the love of your beautiful boy.

{{{{{}}}}}

PS As we all know, I CANNOT type. Sorry about the three tries. They shouldn't take away from the love I'm sending your way.

Anonymous said...

What a beautiful coment for us and Joey. I often thought of Mary and wondered how she had the strength.
I just pray for God to lift me up and guide me through this. We miss
our children, no doubt about it.
Merry Christmas to you all.
Love Sharon

Anna/Flowergardengirl said...

When that song Mary did you Know came out, I would weep every time I heard it. Cause if we knew there would only be minutes to cherish their lives instead of days, we'd never let go. Hugging you tight and sending one little stitch at the time to help mend.

karen gerstenberger said...

Thank you for posting this. It's a lovely hymn for Joey. I am waiting with you for that day!
God bless you and bring you comfort and joy all the days of your life. XOXO

Jenny said...

Beautiful, just beautiful. Mary knows our hurt hearts better than anyone. Sending you big hugs.

A Maui Blog said...

reminds me of the song "Mary Did You Know" ....

Love,
Liza

Steve said...

Merry Christmas Karen and Joe,

I am thinking of you this Christmas; missing you and praying for you.

Karen, what a beautiful post about Joey, about love and loss, and about the Savior.

Elis and I love you and miss you much.

Steve Mac

Anna/Flowergardengirl said...

Lots of love today!

Anonymous said...

Aloha and Merry Christmas,

I love the addition of "Wild Horses" to your playlist. The story and lyrics are quite telling. I have never heard a more somber arrangement than the dark piano accompaniment.

God will bring you through.

Your Maui people are still here with you.

Terry Davis